Some things we HAVE to do, like obey the rules of the road. Others we have a choice. Like the clothes you wear, the way you react in situations, how you interact with other people.
I can already hear some people screaming – NO I DON’T HAVE A CHOICE!
But you do.
You choose what to do and then choose how you react to what happens as a result of your action. So let me give you some examples.
Maybe you have always worn a dress or skirt or trousers to certain occasions, Like wearing black to a funeral. That is a convention started centuries ago. But if you don’t have anything black and still want to go to the funeral – what do you do? My first question would be – why do you want to go to the funeral, what is motivating you to go? Saying goodbye to the person, supporting the family at this time? Be honest with yourself. I had an occasion to question myself once about going to a funeral. I realised I was going so that people would see me and like me because I showed up! How crazy is that? I was going for myself! So I didn’t go. The world didn’t end. And the people who didn’t like me still didn’t – no change. But I didn’t hate myself! BIG change!
Start small, because you have to be comfortable with the changes enough to make them, and you aren’t committing to doing it forever. Take a trial period for things. Do you want to wear your hair in a different style, or change your way of dressing. Years ago a boyfriend didn’t want me to cut my hair. I had been wearing it long since highschool and really wanted a change. First thing I did when we broke up – had my hair cut!
What we fear most are the reactions of other people. What will this person think, what will that person say. We have whole conversations in our head about the consequences of what we are about to do. Actually about what we are thinking about doing! Been there – got the sleepless nights and t-shirt to match!
Due to circumstances, or because we don’t know anything different, we are often stuck in victim mode. The helpless feeling, wanting to be rescued, feeling powerless.
Until you see that this is in fact a lie. That you can help yourself. Other people aren’t controlling your every move. So it feels impossible to change. Yes, for sure people around you will look at your strangely, you will probably get weird comments and some people will try and force you back into the nice, cozy box they see you in. But they do that because they are feeling uncomfortable, they are feeling threatened and you have shaken them up as well as yourself.
ONE IMPORTANT THING to remember. You cannot control how other people react, think or act. You cannot change another person. All you can change is your reaction.
How are you going to change the way your “do you”?
What is the first thing you are going to change?
I have two people who shaved their heads over December – big change in their looks, how people perceived them. But neither of them were worried about that. They did it because they wanted to do it, for themselves. I for one think they rock the look and cheered them on from the sidelines! Does it mean I will shave my hair? I doubt it, unless it is something that I really want to do, and for my own reasons, not to follow the crowd.
So my challenge to you is this – where are you stuck in victim consciousness? What are you going to do to step out of that mindset?
Let me know what changes you make and how it made you feel. And if you are challenged with this, but still want to make changes, make contact with me and we can formulate a plan for your escape…….!